Who's Been Pooping In My Bed?!?

My title is a quote from a lady that was in the Nut House with me.

This lady annoyed the bajeezers out of me.

I could put up with, sympathize and even almost befriend the paranoid schizo guy. I could deal with the lady that pulled her hair out and ate it. I could EVEN put up with the lady that incessantly asked me if I had a hidden cell phone in my bra. For the record I did not. :-)

This lady though.......she drove me crazier than I already was.

She was in her late 40's I would imagine. She had a knee brace on both knees and was a little bit heavy. Not huge. Short hair, glasses.

The first day I got behind her in line for meds I wanted to pull MY hair out and eat it....okay not really but wow she was annoying. She had something to say about each pill she took. Some she would argue over and then realize in the end SHE was the wrong and THEY were right. She had about TEN pills to take so this took forever. Everyone behind us was rolling their eyes and complaining.

One time at group she said Danke Shoen instead of Thank You to everyone.

Give her meds? Danke Shoen.

Let her butt you in line? Danke Shoen.

Then she got her roommate saying it.

SOMEONE KILL ME PLEASE.

I'm not sure why this annoyed me so but IT REALLY DID.

I shall call her Danke Shoen for the rest of this blog.

I had group her a few times. One day in particular we were having a good session. A patient was describing his symptoms of PTSD (he was a veteran) when Danke Shoen raised her hand. I thought wow maybe the moron actually has input and she's not just annoying. The therapist asked her what she had to add and she asked him if she could go get a piece of her candy.

*blink*

*blink*

Surely I thought this woman has not interrupted A VETERAN to ask for some candy.

The therapist said "Can you please wait until we are done with group?"

She told him her throat was dry.

Then fake coughed.

At this point I am holding back my annoyance and talking myself OUT of punching her for fear they will add anger management to my case plan and I'd be there longer.

The therapist said "Well you do have a yogurt in your hand as well as A CUP OF OJ so can you just make do until group is over?"

Danke Shoen fake coughed again and said she really needed her "Caaaaaanndy".

He said fine just go ahead.

Of course she said Danke Shoen.

Another time she left group because she said "She was just too tired......". We were like a half hour into group that ONLY lasted an hour. I was annoyed YET AGAIN because why the hell am I coming to group if we can just leave whenever we want. There were plenty of times I was there that I would have much rather been napping. I stayed though. I needed to get better.

So obviously Danke Shoen did not have many fans other than her roommate

One night we were all in line for evening meds. I had figured out to NOT get in the same line with Danke Shoen because I'd be standing there all night waiting for her to argue over her meds and beg for her CAAAANDY.

I noticed she was at the front of the line....arguing when a LARGE black man behind her yelled HURRRRY UP AND STOP ARGUING THERE ARE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU!" She turned around and told him that she had PTSD and he can't yell behind her ......he should be glad she didn't reflexively turn around and beat him up.

I giggled to myself as the orderlies separated them. I imagined her with her TWO knees braces trying to kick this large YOUNG black man's ass.

Later that night Danke Shoen pulled back her blankets to tuck herself into bed. When she pulled her blankets back there was a prize for her. Someone had shit right in the middle of her bed. Under her blankets of course in the hopes of her getting in her bed, not noticing the pile and squishing her feet in it. Danke Shoen saw it before she got in though.

She went to the desk and told them what had happened. The staff showed how much THEY were annoyed by her by NOT getting anyone to clean it up until 2 AM......you would think they would have done it quickly to get her away from the desk but they made her stay up until someone from housekeeping could come.

I hope you enjoyed my story of poo.

Danke Shoen.