Me and my Zebra Blanket.

If you missed my last entry this one won't make sense, go back and read that one HERE

Once I got inside the Nut House I was taken to a room with a lady who was pretty nice. She went through every aspect of my life. I told her EVERYTHING. Some things only Allen knows. It was hard to detail my life to a stranger but I knew I had to spill it, get it out of me. I also knew if they didn't know EVERYTHING they couldn't help me.

Once we were finished I was crying again and she explained that I WOULD be admitted she just had to call the doctor to get orders. She allowed my sister and Allen to come back in and sit with me while she did so.

When the lady came back she dropped a bomb.

They had NO beds.

*blink*

*blink*

I said "The whole reason I agreed to be Baker Acted was because YOU SAID that was the only bed you had..and it was the only way to avoid going to the other place.. now you say there are no beds..what do I do now...this is ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

She said she had been told that by another person working the floor. She said there were two people being discharged BUT it would be a while before I got into a room.

I said some other choice words. I felt trapped and was even more anxious now than I was originally.

Allen and my sister were politely told they should leave now and the woman told me if I wanted I could lay on the floor and sleep while I waited.

I told her she was killing me. Sure I guess I'll lay in the floor.

So I did. I wrapped myself up in my zebra blanket that they THANKFULLY let me bring in AND keep. I laid on the floor, turned off the light, closed the door and sobbed into my blanket as the realization of where I was and how low I had gotten sunk in. I kept saying "I can't believe this is happening." over and over.

It was surreal.

A few minutes later the secretary opened the door and said I had to have either the lights ON or the door OPEN. She had to be able to "watch" me. I told her to just leave the light off and open the door (after arguing with her). I had not slept well in days and so I desperately tried to fall asleep. This was amidst stifled sobs into my blanket....I was trying to cry quietly now since the door was open.

sigh

A bit later I begin hearing a young male's voicing YELLING and screaming. His voice was getting closer and closer and I was becoming more and more anxious. He was screaming about the fact they were discharging him and saying every cuss word in the book and some I have never heard before. He eventually ended up walking past my door into the room RIGHT next to mine with a nurse following quickly behind him. I had sat up and curled up in a ball in the corner and put my fingers in my ears. I was SCARED TO DEATH the guy was going to come into the room I was in. I was cursing myself for picking THE DOOR OPEN instead of the light on.

When he got into the room next door he began throwing chairs against the wall and screaming. I am terrified I don't know how psychotic this guy is...I mean I WAS in a nut house and I was so afraid he would going to beat the crap out of the nurse, the secretary and eventually me. The nurse ran to the secretary's desk, told her to call some male orderlies and went back to the room to try to calm the guy down.

It wasn't working.

The secretary then came to my door, flipped the light on and was trying to close my door (she had it propped open so she struggled with it). I looked at her and said "Is this supposed to be helping me....because believe me...it aint helping...." She apologized and walked back out. Just then I saw two male orderlies walk by my door and just like that the guy clammed up. I didn't hear another peep out of him. He was fine yelling and screaming and throwing things when it was just a therapist, secretary, female nurse and crazy girl hiding in a corner in her zebra blanket. When there were men there, he had nothing to say.

I was relieved.

A few minutes later the secretary came back and got my stuff and said we were going to the floor now. She didn't want me sitting where I was and witnessing what was happening. I thanked her.

Little did I know that this was JUST the tip of the iceberg of strange and scary things to come.

More tomorrow.