Don't Worry Be Happy.

I've had several people express their worries about me. Wanting to make sure I have follow up appts. Do I have help? What do I need?

Well first off YES I have follow up. I was not permitted to leave without an appt with a therapist. I go see her for the first time this Wednesday. I am hoping she is NOT like the lunatic I went to previously. Someone close to me goes to see another doctor in the same office and SWEARS by them so I'm hoping that I have good luck with this lady. If for whatever reason we don't click one of my therapists in the hospital printed out TONS of resources and shrinks so I have options.

I am taking my meds religiously. I have always been pretty good about it but there were times I'd forget or take it late in the day when I usually take it when I first wake up. I was sent home with four meds. Ambien (sleeping pill), Trazodone (sleeping pill/anti-anxiety), Abilify and Effexor XR. I have been on the Effexor EIGHT years BUT I was only taking 150mg. The psychiatrist was shocked about that and said I needed to be on AT LEAST 225MG since I had been on it so long and stated it should have been upped that high LONG ago. I was getting it from my general practitioner so I can't really blame her. She's not shrink, it isn't really her field. I have a large morning dose and then a smaller afternoon one. I also have Xanax as needed. I haven't had to take the Traz0done except once since I got home and I have taken the xanax twice. Haven't had Ambien since Friday.



My meds with a few of my over the counters thrown in there. I feel like a geriatric patient. Fo Realz.

Allen took all last week off work (used his vacation time), and is taking this week off also. He got paid for last week but won't for this week. Since Closetmaid changed over to Penske he went from having a month of vacation time a year to just a week. That Blows. We will make it work though just like we always do. He also cleaned the house out of a lot of things we were needing to get rid of, rearranged some stuff and just made things easier for me when I came home. He has been doing most of the care for the kids and I chip in here and there. I tell him if I am getting too stressed about something and he jumps right on it. What I did to get so lucky with him I really don't know but I am grateful.

I have already seen changes in the way I think and when I catch myself being negative I either distract myself with something else OR I repeat the opposite POSITIVE THOUGHT over and over in my head....sometimes out loud. Yes I do talk to myself....more than I did before ;-).

What I need? I need the support I get here from my blog and my facebook. I need to teach as many people how to take care of Makily as possible. Meaning her meds, g tube feeds, how to work her pump and how to give her emergency medication if she has a seizure. No one in our life knows how to do these things SPECIFICALLY for Makily EXCEPT Allen and I and the pressure weighs on me heavily.

I also need to get respite desperately. I do think I can get up to four or six hours a day but it's been a while since I checked. I don't want to do it but I KNOW I NEED TO DO IT. Letting someone else take care of her makes me insane but NOT letting anyone help obviously made me insane too. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I'm trying to change how I do things. I'm rather stubborn and hard headed though so this is difficult but I can do it.

Yesterday my back was achy so I got in the hot tub. Jakob saw me in there and insisted on getting in too. Then Allen got Makily up and gave her to me and she had a big time. At one point I was hugging her and SHE put her arm AROUND ME and hugged me back. There are a handful of times in her life she has done this and I just sat there while she hugged me basking in the perfection of her. The joy and love that she is. Jakob got jealous (a new thing when it comes to me, usually it's only with Daddy) and was jumping all over me and so there were moments I was holding/hugging them both at the same time and just crying.

I am so blessed.

"Dont Worry Be Happy" by Darth Vader. LMAO!