It started out to be a great day.

I got up this morning and did Makily's morning routine with her. The same routine I do every morning before school. I was on time and proud. I say that because I am HORRIBLE in the mornings. I can never find a shoe, Makily's AFO's, the last clean bib.....ugh. Half the time I can't find a bra and so I will run out of the house making sure to wear a shirt with a picture on it. Since as my friend Whitney says "It's ok to go bra less as long as your shirt has a design on it." Ever since I came home from the nut house I have been much better in the mornings and I actually am on time more than I'm not these days.

I hurriedly got both the kids strapped into their car seats and jumped in the drivers seat. I glanced down at the clock. 7:31 AM. Damnitt I think. I can make up the one minute so long as we hit ZERO traffic. The windshield wipes squeaked loudly. You know the squeak they make when your windshield is not quite wet or dry? Makily BELLY laughed each time it squeaked and I clicked them on and off to watch her laugh over and over. It made me happy.

I got to the school, one minute late but since it was raining the buses were slow so thankfully they were still out waiting for us. I dropped off both the kids at school and went home. My friends Justin and Trish called and asked if I wanted to hang out this morning. I drove over to their house and we had some of the funniest conversations. We laughed and joked about all kinds of things. It was a relaxing happy moment. My phone rang at one point and I said "Ugh I hate it when my phone rings and Kily is at school, makes me nervous every time."

I went and picked Jakob up from school and took him grocery shopping. He was such a good boy and even helped me check out each item at the self checker. I stopped to get him a Happy Meal at Burger King and we headed home.

Halfway to the house my phone rang. I got anxious but when I picked it up and saw it was the school my heart jumped into my throat. I answered hoping and imagining it was just going to be a question about paperwork or a reminder to bring wipes to school. Instead it was someone asking for Makily's mom. She said Makily is having a seizure.

The world stopped.

I hung up and threw the phone and immediately turned the car around.

I went from completely calm to panic attack in about two seconds.

I turned my hazards on while I cried and began dialing Allen.

No answer.

I called again....no answer.

All the while I'm shaking and trying to drive.

I called my niece Tara and said "Tara Makily is having a seizure please call Allen, I've been trying and he is not answering and I can't have a panic attack, drive and call anyone else." Tara said she would call him immediately and let him know.

At a stop light I sobbed, all the sudden I hear Jakob's angelic voice say "Makily why cry?". He repeated it several times and I just had nothing for him. I couldn't answer him....looking at his sweet face broke my heart. I could see the fear in his young eyes and I hated Emanuel Syndrome again in that moment for scaring not only me but my baby. When we got to the school I have never seen Jakob move out of the car so quickly. I threw him on my hip and ran. Typically he would have complained and yelled "Mommy I WALK", but he knew something was wrong and again started saying "Makily why cry Mommy."

When I walked into the class room someone took Jakob and I walked over to Makily laying on the floor being assessed by the paramedics. Her eyes were not her own but she had already come out of the seizure and was moving around. There was some concern about her oxygen saturations and because of that I opted to have her go to the ER just in case. The last time this happened Jakob's teacher kept him until someone else could pick him up so I could ride on the ambulance with Makily.

I asked if that was okay to do again when the woman in charge said that "Due to their special staffing circumstances that it was not possible." Makily's teacher piped up and said well he could just stay in this room with us and we will watch him. Again the woman in charge said "We are just too short staffed." I wondered how hard it could be for a school with two pre k classes to keep ONE Jakob (although HE IS a handful. lol). I looked at her and said that's fine I will just figure it out. She then explained that I could ride in my car behind Makily. I told her I knew that but there's a difference. Either way I got it. A few moments later as I was leaving she said she worked it out and they could keep Jakob. I thanked her.

When we got to the hospital Makily was acting like her normal self. Her temperature was low and her oxygen sats were still in question. They couldn't figure out if she truly was satting low or if the probes were just bad. I, for obvious reasons was not comfortable leaving without knowing which.

The ER doctor called Makily's Neurologist and at this point we are going to do nothing.

This seizure was different than the last. She just went totally limp, her pupils became fixed adn dilated and she was unresponsive. It lasted about two minutes and they were just laying her down for a nap when it happened. So she wasn't overstimulated.

I don't know what we will end up deciding or doing when we see Neuro on Wednesday. Part of me wants to wing it and keep doing what we are doing now and if we have to deal with a seizure every six months then so be it. I am so proud of the progress Makily's made in just the three weeks she has been off the meds. We got this note home from school just TWO weeks off the Keppra.


I just can't imagine putting her back on a second medication when the last one drugged her up so much. She was regressing and not making progress and now I see how bright eyed she is and we are seeing progress again. I hate that I have to make decisions like these.

I don't know what to do.