I have found that if I take my meds later in the day then usual, I typically have more emotional moments.
In fact if I'm crying, typically the first thing I think is "Have I taken my meds yet?"
Today the answer was "Whoops...NO."
This morning I was driving home and it seemed as if every song on the radio knew how I felt.
I'd change the station and THERE it would be again.
It's like it was chasing me.
So I listened to the music that reminds me of the things that make me sad.
I cried....wondered if I took my meds.....realized I had not.
So then I cried little more.
I wonder if these meds are just numbing the pain I have or if I really am getting better?
Has the medication just put a huge band aid on a wound that will never heal? Like a shot of Lidocaine, it burns like a bitch at first but then your numb.
At times I feel like I NEED to cry but I just CAN'T which is a bizarre feeling.
I guess it doesn't matter either way because all I know is that for the most part, I'm happier than I have been in YEARS.
The thought of going back to the dark place I was in is JUST NOT an option for me.
I won't let myself slip that far down again.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Is this what numb feels like?
Posted by Patyrish at 2/11/2012 12:47:00 PM
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4 comments:
I have a cry tract on my iPod. I do not cry easily so this is like my dark place / Permission or motivation to cry. I am being harassed by my counselor to startbprozac but I want to manage the pain and grief .... Not mute it because grief is lever and coy and will wait patiently.... Bide it's time. I know numb is good but then I know the only way through this by taking it on. There is no going around or over or infer or skirting this ... Through it only. Man it's a suck and I do not believe that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger .... It actually can weaken you. Ni wish I had answers but I guess you have to o what works and if it's meds then so be it. And good friends to lend a hand
Hi first time commenter who came in via your hospitalization expierence. I'm a social worker with chronically and persistently mentally ill adults. What I often tell my clients is that the medication does not fix the issue that caused their depression/anxiety/etc but it does make dealing with it more tolerable until we can find the root and fix it. For example, pain meds after broken do not fix the leg but make the healing more tolerable until your body heals itself.
So yes you're numb, but not in a bad way.
You know, I said this on Facebook, BUT... I don't think medicines make you feel numb. I think they balance you chemically so that you are able to work on improving yourself, your mindset, your outlook on life. I have lots of folks in my family that have been off medicine, and then on medicine. It is a huge difference. Are they bubbly happy crazy people that do everything perfect because of a pill? Are they always happy, or do they always make good decisions because of their happy pills? Nope! Not at all. But boy, does it level us out. You may come to a point that you won't need medicine. You may always need some. Either way, I figure if it keeps you level and alive, you are making the RIGHT choice!
Honey, the first step to healing is generally to remove the cause of the pain. In some cases - such as yours - that just isn't possible because the cause is something completely out of your control. Instead of seeing it as a bandaid covering a wound - look at it more as a psychological AFO... helping you stand until you can stand on your own. :-)
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