I think I might start doing this once a week. I usually get awkward or weird comments at least once a week, usually more. Just depends on how much we are out and about I guess. Yesterday I got quite a few. Here are my top three though.
Scenario 1:
(While walking past a crazy lady and her teen age kids sitting on a bench. Makily and baby J were both in the double stroller)
Crazy Lady: Aww look it's twins!
Her Kids: I don't think they are twins mom
**I am acting like I am oblivious**
Crazy Lady: Oh yes they are look at them.....if they aren't twins they might as well have been!
I smiled awkwardly and just kept walking by.
I will admit EVERYONE that does not know that J is not mine biologically just assumes that he is mine. I get the "aww he has your eyes/smile...." A LOT. That being said I do NOT think that Makily and J look like twins at all. Makily is 33 lbs and FOUR YEARS OLD. J is a whopping 18 lbs and not quite eight months!
Scenario 2:
(While shopping in my "regular" consignment shop. Again both kids are in the double stroller)
Nice Lady: Oh your kids are beautiful! How old are they?
Me: She is four and he is almost eight months.
Nice Lady: Oh yes that is a great gap between the two kids, ya know one is out of diapers and can do a lot for themselves that way you don't have two at once you are trying to do everything for, your smart.
Me: Uhm, (awkwardly smiling) yeah, I think it's a good gap too.
I get this type of thing ALL the time. People assuming Makily is "normal" and then making comments like that. Part of me feels like I am lying when I don't correct them and say "ugh no my four year old is still in diapers and the baby can do some things she can't". I usually always just smile and nod though.
Scenario 3:
While shopping with Allen in the store for Makily.
Me: Allen, do you think Makily would wear this robe swim cover up thingie or do you think it would just annoy her? (remember Makily has all kinds of sensory problems)
Allen: Hmmmmm....I don't know, let me look at it.
Mom shopping next to me: How old is she?
Me: Uhm she's four.
Mom shopping next to me: Oh honey she will love it, my four year old thinks she is grown up and asks for hers when she gets out of the pool. You should get it. She'll love it.
Me: Oh thank you so much, I think I'll buy it.
So it's just yet another time I feel almost like I am lying because I don't say "well my kid doesn't think like a typical four year old she has xyz issues". I don't really think people want to hear that in the middle of the store though so I am just friendly back but it makes me feel awkward. Maybe over time I will get over that.
10 comments:
I love this post! Something that happens to me all the time too. Among my favorites, the blank stare I get when they ask how old Marie is and I say 17 months. I think they're all expecting me to say 6 or 9 or something like that,
Or, my oldest will talk about pre school and they'll look at Marie and talk to her saying, won't you be excited when you get to go to preschool. Firstly, she's 17 months, do you think she understands you? Secondly, I can't help that nagging thought in the back of my head "we don't know if she'll live that long".
Luckily, I've found plenty of people who do understand (hence I love reading your blog!)!
I get that all the time too. Yesterday someone asked me the age of the kids. The conversation goes like this-- yes a 4 year old and a 16 month old. 16 months? He looks so small. Yeah well he was a preemie. Oh I know someone who had a preemie. He's alright now though? My answer well no not really but we're working on it. Still have some surgeries to go. So I wish I have just smiled and agreed because the uncomfortable silence that followed wasn't worth it.
Love this entry!!!! A couple of my favorites are: 1) {random mom or grandma} OH MY! You are a big boy! You are too old to be sitting in the cart (or stroller) your mommy should make you walk! {me} Yeh...wish I could make him walk!
2) {random mom or grandma} How old is your son? {me} He's 3. {random mom or grandma} OH MY! (with look of shock included) You need to get that binkie away from him! Just take it away altogether, he'll cry and be upset for a day or two, but then he won't use them anymore! {me} Well, I think the binkie is better than having him randomly reach into your purse and take out any fun looking object to put in his mouth, since he has a disorder that one of the issues is a constant need to mouth something. Take Care! LOL!!! I know there is more, I might have to dedicate a post to this sometime....hmmmmm
tara said.
yea i wouldn't correct anyone who is just being nice (might make them feel bad) but i would definitley correct a rude person like laurie did.
tara said..
one more thing...what is up with the color changing runnin llama alien?
i so totally can relate to this post. believe it or not, just last year when our last two girls had just come home (one from africa and one was born in india) and it grew our brood to 5 i has a 13 year old that looked like a 13 year old. a 5 year old that looked like a 7-8 year old but developmentally delayed at a 2-3 year old level and a 6 1/2 year old that (i kid you not) was wearing size 2 when we brought her home and people thought she was 2 but were surprised when she talked in a deep voice and then had a 4 year old with cp who had just started walking and looked and acted 2 and a 3 1/2 year old with severe spastic quad cp that came home from africa in an infant car seat and people asked how many months she was and then looked at me like i had 3 heads when i told them she is 3 1/2 YEARS old. it was an interesting year to say the least. everyone has come SO FAR! but i cant say that i would want to repeat last year ANY TIME IN THE NEAR OR FAR FUTURE! phew made me tired just typing about it! loved your post... rachel
You crack me up! I don't get those mistakes anymore, unless she is not with me and I happen to say I have a 13 year old (oh that's great, I bet she's a big help with your two little ones!") Hah!
Last night I had to go and get a blood requisition for a genetic test (sending blood somewhere for fun) - I don't have a family doctor, but we see the same dr at our local outpatient clinic - I told him I needed a requisition to take blood for a researcher in the US, because I have a balanced translocation. He looks at me and says, "How do you know that?" I said, after the birth of my oldest daughter (Only my obviously adopted one was with me!) I said, "Do you remember that funky kid I brought in with the wheelchair for the finger infection?" He just looked at me and said, "How much blood do you need to give" Pen out and ready to sign. LOL!!!!!!!!!!
Later on you will get to give back all the funky comments - it's kind of cathartic, actually!
Sometimes I wonder if there are truly appropriate ways for strangers to interact. Part of the human experience is that most of us have hidden truths. Another part of the human experience is that most of us are curious, and/or desire to appear friendly. It's just that our life experiences are so very different. I would never intentionally hurt another person's feelings, but I wonder how many times my own comments or "stares" have done so without me even knowing it. That being said, I admire your own friendly replies. I do not think you are being untrue to your own situation if you simply reply in a friendly way to a friendly, albeit misguided comment. And you never know which interaction may be one that will open a door for more enlightenment. I probably talk too much in public, and this post will remind me to be more vigilant to others. I only wish I could speak for the masses and make your path a bit easier. Another grandmother
lol. We were at a restaurant just the other day and the waiter immediately without prompting in anyway brought Luke a cup of water/lid and straw. I politely said 'thank you' and scooted the water over. Luke had no idea what do with it anyway. Oh...and don't get me started on the kids that give him candy at a friends house.
YEAH. We FLED.
Hugs honey....our life is rare but so very joyful.
Trish,
Don't know if you remember me from the mommy forum, but I still keep up on Makily.
This post made me smile...especially the twin story lol
Take care
Sonja
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