It really cracked me up.
It reminded me of my entry a while back "half truths and miscommunication".
For some reason in the foster care world there seems to be a problem with social workers lying or telling half truths to foster parents. I realize it's mostly because the social worker is usually just trying to get the child placed and wants to go home. They omit certain IMPORTANT information to get someone to take the child....before you ask YES this happened in our situation with Baby J.
We were told two different stories about the bio mom and were not given ALL the PERTINENT information about his prenatal and birth history (even though I asked and grilled them with every question I could come up with).
I can't complain though because had we known EVERYTHING, it's VERY likely we wouldn't have taken him. What a huge mistake that would have been.
So here it is:
SOCIAL WORKERS!!!
MEAN WHAT YOU SAY & SAY WHAT YOU MEAN:
Examples of how many sayings seems today:
WHAT THEY SAY:
He’s a very busy little fellow
WHAT THEY MEAN:
He’s destroyed my office apart in 20 minutes flat.
WHAT THEY SAY:
She seems to have a little cold.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
Her temp is 102 and she can’t breathe for coughing.
WHAT THEY SAY:
The family situation is slightly chaotic.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
They’ve been living in the family car which has been re-possessed.
WHAT THEY SAY:
Mom needs to get a little more organized.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
Mom doesn’t remember where she left the baby.
WHAT THEY SAY:
These children need an organized, consistent atmosphere.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
They’ve never worn clothes and they eat off the floor.
WHAT THEY SAY:
You’re the only one I would trust with this child.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
Everyone else has turned me down
WHAT THEY SAY:
This child is a picky eater.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
He eats only cheetos, twinkies and Mountain Dew.
WHAT THEY SAY:
She has difficulty with peer relationships.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
She tried to kill her foster sister in her last placement.
WHAT THEY SAY:
We may want to talk about counseling in a few weeks.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
She thinks she’s a dog and barks constantly
WHAT THEY SAY:
It’s a complicated case.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
I think the grandfather is also the father but he may be the uncle.
WHAT THEY SAY:
I know I promised to take the child on the visit but I have an emergency.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
I’m dumping it on you.
WHAT THEY SAY:
Don’t you think you are overreacting?
WHAT THEY MEAN:
I don’t know what to do either.
WHAT THEY SAY:
He needs a lot of love and understanding
WHAT THEY MEAN:
He’s locked himself in a workers car and he has a knife.
WHAT THEY SAY:
The school staff seems fairly unsupportive in his last placement.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
He held the principal hostage.
WHAT THEY SAY:
We’re going to move quickly to get the child home
WHAT THEY MEAN:
We can’t find his mother
WHAT THEY SAY:
Previous foster mom has switched jobs and can’t deal w/ him right now.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
He’s 2 months old, weighs only 9 lbs, can’t keep anything down, screams constantly because he’s starving, and nobody can figure out what food he can keep down.
WHAT THEY SAY:
She’s very unique.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
She has so many mental and/or medical issues that even the doctors get confused.
WHAT THEY SAY:
It’s only temporary…
WHAT THEY MEAN:
…Unless no one else wants a 16 yr old with RAD, ADHD, dyslexia, autism, texture sensitivity, eating disorders, anxiety, bi-polar, fascination with fire, a history of acting out violently and sexually towards other children and adults, has been expelled from twelve schools, etc. ad nauseum.
WHAT THEY SAY:
She’s a very easygoing child.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
She’s probably RAD, so she doesn’t care if you’re there or not, or where you take her, or what you feed her, etc.
WHAT THEY SAY:
His hair needs to be washed, and he has a rash around his diaper, but he’s a sweet little baby.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
He has lice, so you better wash his hair and clothes and bedding and then repeat the process for everyone else in your home after you discover this.
WHAT THEY SAY:
You work well with boys like this one.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
Lock up is full and they have no place to put him.
WHAT THEY SAY:
It’s interim, he’s going into a residential program.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
They haven’t found one that will accept him.
WHAT THEY SAY:
He needs close supervision.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
He runs away.
WHAT THEY SAY:
Keep him away from younger children.
WHAT THEY SAY:
He has sexually assaulted little boys and girls..
WHAT THEY SAY:
I’ve been meaning to call ______________(pick one or all: the therapist/the attorney/the parole officer/the bio mom/you)…
WHAT THEY MEAN:
Now that you’ve left me 15 messages and gotten a hold of me completely by accident….I’ll pretend to get right on that thing you’ve been bugging me about for three weeks now.
WHAT THEY SAY:
You’re just wonderful to do this
WHAT THEY MEAN:
Its 5 o’clock and I’m out of here!
If social workers were held accountable for their actions or decisions they might stop and think before making them.
7 comments:
tara says:
dang. all i can say about that is...
padegaw!
Trish,
There is a reason that I worked 17 years for a private agency. I could never deal with that kind of stuff and would never have wanted it for my kids as they grew up. They have a wonderful picture of how the foster care system should work as well as how adoption works.
Luckily both your babies are too young to understand the stuff that goes on.
They sure don't care at all about the foster care family and you sometimes have to wonder if they care for the children as well. I know there have to be some gems out there in the social work field but unfortunately they don't get to say what they would like to say. Someone told you not to think of your social worker as your friend. It was good advice. As nice as she/he may appear there is an agenda and it must be worked from that angle.
Hope it can still work out for you guys.
Pam
So true! There are times as an ESE teacher I have found myself using those comments in order to keep the situation light. However, when you're dealing with foster care one really shouldn't keep the situation light, they should tell the truth!
Oh that is so true!
Amen to that sista!
Oh gracious me. Sounds like this is more the case than not. Uggh, the system scares me honey.
I loved this.... we went through the same type of a foster care situation. I can tell you that it all works out. We finalized our adoption in March 2008 after several continued court dates and missing fathers. Best of luck!
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