My head is spinning and my heart is anxious tonight.
The last three weeks have been near bliss. Things have been TOTALLY in our favor as far as J is concerned and I was actually getting comfortable.
I should have known better than to get too comfortable.
I can't share too many details and I am not sure how many I will leave up once I put them up so read fast.
Bio-Dad is now saying he is going to work his case plan to get little J back. I knew that likely he would go back and forth with his decision to relinquish to us. It just hurts like Hell now that it has happened. One moment I am TERRIBLY angry at him for this then the next I find myself just thinking of what the pain of loosing J will be like and so I understand why he is doing this.
I also was advised that the family member that I was told was disqualified has NOT been. Reason being is that someone (who shall remain nameless) has not done their job. I am angry, but what's worse is there is not much I can do about it. Someone is going to try and resolve the problem but at this point I am not sure how this is going to pan out.
I sat holding Little J for quite a while earlier sobbing. He smiles at me and I just melt. The smallest things he does just make me fall more in love with him. Since I started Jenny Craig I have been eating at least one cup of yogurt a day (ya know the good ones like "Key Lime Pie" and Strawberry Shortcake"). Little J has discovered that he LOVES it and immediately crawls over to wherever I am when he sees me with it. I get IMMENSE joy out of sharing my yogurt with him. It's the little things......it really is.
I have cried on and off today and I am out of tears. Allen initially was upset, then angry and now he is my rock AGAIN. He is striving to be as positive as he can which motivates me to be the same way.
I know God has a plan for us and deep in my heart I do believe that his plan includes J staying in our family forever. It's times like this that my faith is shaken and I find myself sobbing saying "God I am so scared, please help me". I have to believe that God hasnt brought us this far to fail us now.
Please pray for us.
“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)”
The last three weeks have been near bliss. Things have been TOTALLY in our favor as far as J is concerned and I was actually getting comfortable.
I should have known better than to get too comfortable.
I can't share too many details and I am not sure how many I will leave up once I put them up so read fast.
Bio-Dad is now saying he is going to work his case plan to get little J back. I knew that likely he would go back and forth with his decision to relinquish to us. It just hurts like Hell now that it has happened. One moment I am TERRIBLY angry at him for this then the next I find myself just thinking of what the pain of loosing J will be like and so I understand why he is doing this.
I also was advised that the family member that I was told was disqualified has NOT been. Reason being is that someone (who shall remain nameless) has not done their job. I am angry, but what's worse is there is not much I can do about it. Someone is going to try and resolve the problem but at this point I am not sure how this is going to pan out.
I sat holding Little J for quite a while earlier sobbing. He smiles at me and I just melt. The smallest things he does just make me fall more in love with him. Since I started Jenny Craig I have been eating at least one cup of yogurt a day (ya know the good ones like "Key Lime Pie" and Strawberry Shortcake"). Little J has discovered that he LOVES it and immediately crawls over to wherever I am when he sees me with it. I get IMMENSE joy out of sharing my yogurt with him. It's the little things......it really is.
I have cried on and off today and I am out of tears. Allen initially was upset, then angry and now he is my rock AGAIN. He is striving to be as positive as he can which motivates me to be the same way.
I know God has a plan for us and deep in my heart I do believe that his plan includes J staying in our family forever. It's times like this that my faith is shaken and I find myself sobbing saying "God I am so scared, please help me". I have to believe that God hasnt brought us this far to fail us now.
Please pray for us.
“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)”
9 comments:
Your family will be in my prayers tonight.
I am shocked and so very sorry for the latest turn of events. I can't even begin to imagine the worry and heartache you must be experiencing. My prayer for you is for peace and strength to get through this.. I am at a loss for words of comfort but please know there's loads of us praying and rooting for you and your family.
in the end the roller coaster is always worth the ride. you have taught me that. Continue to have strength and hold close to your babies. I will be praying for you and the perfect outcome to such a trying time. love ya
Sending big hugs out to you! We are sending prayers up that this roller coaster ride lets you off at the place you want to be. The previous poster is right, in the end the roller coaster is always worth the ride. You hold that little one close and continue to cherish all those special moments.
tara said..
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight
Proverbs 3:5-6
hope that gives you a little peace :)
You know, I know.....just remember, IF things don't go as you hope....if doesn't mean that God has failed you. It's painful, a down right awful pain...dark and unfamiliar...but you are NOT alone, there is a perfect plan...that may not become clear to you until much later...
you know, I know...
I'm praying
praying for your mama's heart. sending E-hugs, rachel
Hugs and prayers being sent your way! Hold on tight.
Oh Lord, please, please bless this child greatly. You know what's best. I am begging you. In Jesus name, Amen
It's my heart and only words I can muster honey.
A
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