I feel like one of those weird EMO teenagers that wear their hair in their face and paint their nails black.
As I mentioned before MARCH always sucks for me.
I usually do "okay" unless I have any "extra" problems and then well...just blech. Just been an icky day, Allen had to go to work, Makily is NOT cooperating with me and the gait trainer. My face feels droopy, my jeans are too tight. It's a crappy, lonely and cold day.
Little Noah passed away. He is the baby that Makily was totally enthralled with. I posted a vid a week or so back of her watching him and giggling. He was doing very well and it was pretty sudden.
If you didn't see the video of Makily LOOOVING him here it is::
As I mentioned before MARCH always sucks for me.
I usually do "okay" unless I have any "extra" problems and then well...just blech. Just been an icky day, Allen had to go to work, Makily is NOT cooperating with me and the gait trainer. My face feels droopy, my jeans are too tight. It's a crappy, lonely and cold day.
Little Noah passed away. He is the baby that Makily was totally enthralled with. I posted a vid a week or so back of her watching him and giggling. He was doing very well and it was pretty sudden.
If you didn't see the video of Makily LOOOVING him here it is::
Please pray for his family, his funeral is tomorrow.
I will spread more joy here with this horrible poem I wrote while sitting here pondering.....life I guess.
I am a big freaking ray of sunshine tonight.
Aching crying
fake smiling
dreaming
wishing, always needing,
never fitting, sometimes forcing
trying to pretend,
It's never ending
What was to be
never will
was is to be
kills me still
wanting, dreaming, wishing NEEDING
aching, grieving, never leaving.
Haunting thoughts of yesterday
fill my aching head.
They won't let go, and no one knows
just where my heart was led.
The guilt remains in that dark place
I can't go back again.
Am I wasting, forever chasing
what my heart has dreamed?
I can't let go, I want to know
was it ever meant to be?
I'll be back to my "normal" self tomorrow...I think.
I might go wogging in the morning, maybe that will boost my mood.
March sucks.
7 comments:
Hang in there! I'll be praying for you. Funny you mentioned 'EMO.' I'd never heard of that term until today at lunch and then I read it on your blog. Love you!
Sending prayers of comfort for these difficult days for you. May is usually my month that I wish to boycott.
Funny, I had to have my nephew explain EMO to me just a few months ago :D
tara said-
really good poem by the way..i was quite impressed
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Is there any part of March you can boycott? Go on strike for a few days and just do the non-stressful stuff? Or is it all stressful at the moment?
Take care
Tia
Youve come so far and covered so much ground already. You made it through the surgeries, the seizures, the analysis, and you've brought your sweet angel home with you. Youve kept your sense of humor and learned to see life in a different light. Youve gotten closer to God and closer to others as you loved the little things in life. You taught your daughter to smile, laugh and love. You cut yourself up and bled through it all, and yet had the strength to tell your story with a smile.
You made it this far, you can do this little stretch. I believe in you.
I Love the poem!! I hope you are feeling better. I have those days or weeks full of funk too.
Praying for you sweetie!!
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