Boycotting March.

I feel like one of those weird EMO teenagers that wear their hair in their face and paint their nails black.

As I mentioned before MARCH always sucks for me.

I usually do "okay" unless I have any "extra" problems and then well...just blech. Just been an icky day, Allen had to go to work, Makily is NOT cooperating with me and the gait trainer. My face feels droopy, my jeans are too tight. It's a crappy, lonely and cold day.

Little Noah passed away. He is the baby that Makily was totally enthralled with. I posted a vid a week or so back of her watching him and giggling. He was doing very well and it was pretty sudden.

If you didn't see the video of Makily LOOOVING him here it is::

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Please pray for his family, his funeral is tomorrow.

I will spread more joy here with this horrible poem I wrote while sitting here pondering.....life I guess.

I am a big freaking ray of sunshine tonight.

Aching crying
fake smiling
dreaming
wishing, always needing,
never fitting, sometimes forcing
trying to pretend,
It's never ending

What was to be
never will
was is to be
kills me still
wanting, dreaming, wishing NEEDING
aching, grieving, never leaving.

Haunting thoughts of yesterday
fill my aching head.
They won't let go, and no one knows
just where my heart was led.

The guilt remains in that dark place
I can't go back again.

Am I wasting, forever chasing
what my heart has dreamed?
I can't let go, I want to know
was it ever meant to be?

I'll be back to my "normal" self tomorrow...I think.

I might go wogging in the morning, maybe that will boost my mood.

March sucks.