Sometimes you just wish you hadnt worn makeup that day!

A year or so ago I was at Walmart. We were there with the Teal's (our family best friends Trish and Justin). As usual the boys went off to look at electronics and they took Cameron with them. Trish and I took Makily and Aubrey (yes my best friend's name is Trish, we like to call her Trishtwo).

Aubrey was about one at the time and was in the Trishtwo's shopping cart. I was pushing Makily in her stroller. All of the sudden Trishtwo gives me this look of urgency and says "Oh My God, I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND NOW"! Trishtwo does NOT use public bathrooms unless she has NO OTHER choice. So you can imagine the desperation of the situation if she was actually willing to use the bathroom at WALMART! She asked if I would keep Aubrey so she could make better time to the bathroom.

I pointed and laughed at her and said "sure".

Little did I know that the last laugh would be on me.

Trishtwo darts off to the bathroom leaving me standing in the middle of ladies and men's clothes. I couldn't maneuver very well because I had a Aubrey Bobs in the cart and Makily in the stroller so I figured I would just stay put. I am googling at the girls when I suddenly feel someone looking at me. I knew it couldn't be Trishtwo because well it hadn't been long enough for her to be back. I look up and there is a swarm of men walking around the men's section together giving me the eye and grinning.

I am immediately uncomfortable and PRAYING Trishtwo hurries up so I can get out of there. I start trying to think of ways to get out of the situation:

"Okay Trish, you can't get away because you got these two babies....hmmmmm maybe I can try to maneuver them out of here.....no then one of them might try to help me......ugh.....Trish better HURRY UP AND PINCH IT OFF......okay I just won't make eye contact, yeah that's right NO EYE CONTACT!"

I pretend to be looking at this HIDEOUS shirt hanging on the closest rack to me. Hoping they won't disturb me since I am shopping right? I can see one of them coming closer out of the corner of my eye.

OH LORD, I am so stuck!

So it happens, the one guy comes up to me.

He was a tiny man, probably about five foot tall and about 100 lbs.

He wore a large cowboy hat and a western shirt. He also had on a HUGE SILVER BELT BUCKLE (that probably weighed more than him), skin tight khaki colored stretch jeans and a pair of boots.

He approaches me with a huge grin on his face and says:

HIM: "your babies?" (while pointing to Aubrey and Makily)

ME: "this one is mine and this is my God daughter"

HIM: "your babies?"

ME: "uhm.....this one is mine and this one is my God daughter"
****he is GRINNING the entire time mind you and I notice a red line across his front teeth that I assume was a cherry Kool-Aid stain****

HIM: "Not your babies"?

(at this point I realize he does NOT speak English and I am wanting to kill Trishtwo)

ME: (pointing)"This one mine, this one not mine"(said in a very cavemanish way)

HIM: "OH OK"

(then he awkwardly laughs and pulls out his cell phone, now I really want to die)

HIM: "Telephone?"

ME: "No I don't have a phone" (I realize everyone in the free world has a phone but I was under pressure here okay)

HIM: "Telephone"

ME: (pointing to my wedding ring) "No, No I am married"

HIM: (remember still the big huge Kool-Aid toothed grin)"Telephone number?"

**GOD HELP ME**
At this point I am praying that one of the girls will puke or do something horribly obnoxious so to scare this man away. Of course Makily had fallen asleep and Aubrey was cooing and giggling at this man as sweetly as she possibly could...the kid TOTALLY THREW ME UNDER THE BUS.

ME: "No no....married"

HIM: "you have phone...number"

(now I am wracking my brain for the word for husband...I took Spanish in high school)

ME: "Can't give you number I have....uhm...I have espouso" (while pointing to my ring)

HIM: "it's okay....it's okay....telephone number"

ME: "not okay......no no" (while awkwardly laughing)

HIM: "What you no like Mexicano?"

SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME NOW!

I just awkwardly laughed again and repeated "espouso..married".

Then he kept saying "your babies" again while pointing at the girls and I just gave up and said "yes....my babies!"

Just then out of the corner of my eye....I see Trishtwo walking my way.....

"I hurriedly say "ugh there is my sister...yeah my sister gotta go."

I push the cart with Aubrey in it while dragging the stroller with Makily towards Trish, I am running into things with the cart and Aubrey is laughing. Trish has a confused look on her face and all I can think is:

GET ME OUT OF HERE!