Today I went out and shopped for the "foster baby".
I haven't really allowed myself to do much shopping in that department. Mostly because we don't know if we will be getting a boy or a girl...or even how old the baby will be (all we know is under age two).
It was kind of strange shopping for unisex clothes. One reason is that I think it is almost a sin to put a baby girl in anything but pink. Putting a boy in pink well THAT IS A SIN. So shopping for something that a boy or girl could wear was tough. I got lots of yellow. I almost bought purple when I realized Allen has told me SEVERAL times that purple is GIRLY. Okay so sue me for not realizing this on my own.
I felt the "guilt monster" creeping in. I didn't buy anything for Makily and felt horrible for it. I did look for something for her but didn't find anything.
The guilty feelings have been popping in and out since our home study on Friday morning. I keep wondering if I am being fair to Makily. Am I taking away from her? Then I see her playing with my God Children and I realize that we are giving her something too.
The licensing specialist GRILLED me hard on all things surrounding Makily. This was the first time they really focused on that. I knew it was coming but it didnt make it any easier on me. I am proud I got through it without crying though. I got a little choked up when she asked me how Allen helped me through the first six months of Makily's life and the PPD I suffered. Telling her how amazing he was really got me. He really was a rock. I don't know how he did it.
She also asked questions about my being on Effexor for depression. I told her that I am VERY mentally stable (ha ha) and that I do not feel "depressed" 99% of the time. I explained that Allen and I have had almost four years to deal with the Makily's diagnosis and that to us our life is "normal" now. Yes sometimes I get sad for the things Makily won't be able to do but that I feel is normal. Looking back I have come SO FAR since she was first diagnosed. It was just so much to take at once and it was such a DARK, DARK period in my life.
She wanted to know how Makily can be healthy if she has chronic medical conditions. I told her that all of her medical problems have been treated with surgical intervention or are controlled by medications. That she is the healthiest she has ever been in her life. I told her there was NO WAY I would EVER have thought of fostering a year and a half ago. Her health was not as stable and she still needed to have the holes in her heart repaired.
I finally point blank asked her if our having a special needs child was going to hurt our chances to foster. She said no. Then she explained the process from here on out. She types up a nice pretty packet of information on our family from all the paperwork we have filled out and all the interviews we have had with them. It is sent to the State of Florida and they review the material in our packet. If they question ANYTHING it is sent BACK to the licensing specialist and she has to come back to us to get the information. So she said that is why she covered so much about Makily because she did feel that when our packet is reviewed they will ask questions about how we are handling things with her. Once they review it and approve it, the State of Florida sends out ANOTHER licensing specialist to do the LAST HOME STUDY and as long as that person approves us....well then we will be licensed.
We really are close.
It's starting to feel real.
I haven't really allowed myself to do much shopping in that department. Mostly because we don't know if we will be getting a boy or a girl...or even how old the baby will be (all we know is under age two).
It was kind of strange shopping for unisex clothes. One reason is that I think it is almost a sin to put a baby girl in anything but pink. Putting a boy in pink well THAT IS A SIN. So shopping for something that a boy or girl could wear was tough. I got lots of yellow. I almost bought purple when I realized Allen has told me SEVERAL times that purple is GIRLY. Okay so sue me for not realizing this on my own.
I felt the "guilt monster" creeping in. I didn't buy anything for Makily and felt horrible for it. I did look for something for her but didn't find anything.
The guilty feelings have been popping in and out since our home study on Friday morning. I keep wondering if I am being fair to Makily. Am I taking away from her? Then I see her playing with my God Children and I realize that we are giving her something too.
The licensing specialist GRILLED me hard on all things surrounding Makily. This was the first time they really focused on that. I knew it was coming but it didnt make it any easier on me. I am proud I got through it without crying though. I got a little choked up when she asked me how Allen helped me through the first six months of Makily's life and the PPD I suffered. Telling her how amazing he was really got me. He really was a rock. I don't know how he did it.
She also asked questions about my being on Effexor for depression. I told her that I am VERY mentally stable (ha ha) and that I do not feel "depressed" 99% of the time. I explained that Allen and I have had almost four years to deal with the Makily's diagnosis and that to us our life is "normal" now. Yes sometimes I get sad for the things Makily won't be able to do but that I feel is normal. Looking back I have come SO FAR since she was first diagnosed. It was just so much to take at once and it was such a DARK, DARK period in my life.
She wanted to know how Makily can be healthy if she has chronic medical conditions. I told her that all of her medical problems have been treated with surgical intervention or are controlled by medications. That she is the healthiest she has ever been in her life. I told her there was NO WAY I would EVER have thought of fostering a year and a half ago. Her health was not as stable and she still needed to have the holes in her heart repaired.
I finally point blank asked her if our having a special needs child was going to hurt our chances to foster. She said no. Then she explained the process from here on out. She types up a nice pretty packet of information on our family from all the paperwork we have filled out and all the interviews we have had with them. It is sent to the State of Florida and they review the material in our packet. If they question ANYTHING it is sent BACK to the licensing specialist and she has to come back to us to get the information. So she said that is why she covered so much about Makily because she did feel that when our packet is reviewed they will ask questions about how we are handling things with her. Once they review it and approve it, the State of Florida sends out ANOTHER licensing specialist to do the LAST HOME STUDY and as long as that person approves us....well then we will be licensed.
We really are close.
It's starting to feel real.
1 comments:
Yay! So happy your licensing journey is almost finished.
My two cents aren't worth much - but let me tell you - I think you are definitely giving Makily a gift by allowing her to interact with other little ones in her own home.
All the best to you.
Jaime
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