You know it's a bad day when a twist tie totally kicks your butt.

In celebration of our anniversary we took the kids and went down to Orlando for the weekend.

We went to a crappy outlet mall. Stopped for lunch in their pseudo food court. I ordered a turkey sandwich on rye. The lady gets out the bread and Allen notices it's moldy. She goes to rip off the moldy piece....looks up....sees that Allen has noticed it and throws it away. She gets a new bag bread and starts to untwist the twist tie. She twists for what seems like an hour. After another 20 minutes of twisting the blasted twist tie she pulls out a butcher knife and cuts off the entire end of the bag.

I am not kidding.

She makes the sandwich and when she gets to the lettuce she just keeps piling it on, it looked like a whole head of lettuce. I finally said "uhm, can you take some of that lettuce off". She obliged.

Allen ordered lasagna that tasted much like a scratch n sniff sticker that I had in kindergarten. If you have ever had those Chef Boy Ardee make at home pizza kit, that is what the sauce was.

ewwww.

We stayed at Mike Ditka's Runaway Beach Club Resort.

It looked fancy schmancy and it was totally cheap since it's "off season" here.

Our first night there I asked for a crib for the room. The "book" in the room said it was $7/night for a crib (this was on TOP of the $10 a night "resort fee" that was NOT specified on expedia although they swear it is). I was perturbed because I think it's ridiculous to charge for a crib. Our reservations said we had a baby less than a year old so obviously where the heck was he going to sleep?

But I digress.

I had to call twice before they brought the crib and they tried to up the charge to $10/night when I QUICKLY said "uhm, your book says $7". The lady was like "it's supposed to be $10 but I will do it for $7".

Gee thanks.

We went to the pool area which was a mile from the room. Okay not that far but far enough. There are TWO pools in the same area. One is only 3 feet deep and has all the kiddie features, the other is an 8 footer with fountains. We of course opt for the kid pool and start playing with the babies. There is a group of say 8-10 adults drinking and yelling in one corner. Why oh why are they at the kiddie pool I wonder.

Oh joy.

We ignore them while they scream and yell "Marco Polo". One of the ran over to where Makily and I were sitting by the "umbrella fountain". He yelled "Don't mind me boys" to his friends while rubbing his chest (trying to be sexy mind you) under the fountain.

ewwwww again.

A few minutes later we were sitting on the edge of the pool when Allen tells me to check J's swim diaper. I check and diarrhea particles come floating out. I could see them in the water.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

We quickly get out of the water chuckling that the drunken adult fools in the kiddie pool were now swimming in little J Diarrhea!

Sunday morning we got up went to Typhoon Lagoon. Allen and I had an awful fight about staking claim on our spot (for those that don't know when you get to a water park marking your seat by throwing your things on chairs is very important to do early or you end up sitting out in the blazing sun next to a drain). I won't go into the details about the fight because it makes Allen look really stupid and me look like a royal itch with a B.

What can I say I was PMS'ing?

ANYHOO!

We took the kids over to the kiddie area. I took J over to a squirty fountain and Allen was taking Makily to another area. After a while I got lonely and went to look for Allen and Doodles.

Well I come around a corner to see Allen laying my baby in a tube AND LETTING HER GO DOWN THIS FLUME SLIDE THING BY HERSELF.

I swear I almost swallowed my tongue I freaked.

I was like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING"?

Well it was a TINY little slide and Allen had told the lifeguard manning it that Makily was disabled. She guided Makily over the rough spot and then Doodles went down the rest of the way......just like all the other kids.

I bawled.

Originally the lifeguard told Allen she could only let Makily go down once but after she saw how happy Doodles was she told us to let her go again and she went down it again....

......just like all the other kids. :-)

We floated on the "lazy river" several times. Makily loved it and so did little J. He is a maniac in the water though and wants to just jump in.

We slathered the kids in sunscreen about 100 times but they still got a little pink on their shoulders. Allen and I are FRIED. As we were leaving the park I was trying to express how burnt my shins were. For some reason "shin" would not come to mind so I kept saying "the front of my calves" and then changed it to my "leg bottoms". Trishtwo looked at me and said "Uhm do you mean shins"?

I am going to continue using "leg bottoms" from now on. I like it.

Allen and I rubbed each other down with Solarcaine and that blue aloe gel while standing under the ceiling fan last night.

We came home early this morning. Allen's buddy Steve totally did a "make-over" on our yard while we were away. It's needed professional work for a while but we have just not made it a priority. It looks awesome and I am glad the huge part is done. I am almost too ashamed to admit that we still had some limbs in the back yard from all the Hurricanes in 2004!

I was awful and took ZERO pictures. I brought the camera but spent so much time in the water that I didn't take any.