So this is going to probably hurt.

Snuggles has attached to me.

I feel great about it and GUILTY at the same time.

Yesterday we went swimming at Granny's. Snuggles LOVED it but would not let ANYONE else hold him or push him in his boat but me. He would cry when they tried and then yell "Mama" while reaching for me. He was very friendly and would smile and laugh at everyone else but would only let me hold him.

I don't know why but I am shocked how quickly he attached to one person.

Last night I laid on the couch with him wrapped in a blanket and that's how he fell asleep. He didn't fight that at all. He didn't even stir when Allen picked him up and carried him to the crib.


J LOVES HIM.

They play together and every time Snuggles does ANYTHING J laughs hysterically.

Last night while we were giving him a bath, he was so happy and having so much fun.

I just started to cry.

I feel so bad for him.

I feel bad that we agreed to take him short term.

I feel like had I said no they possibly would have found a place he could have stayed long term.

Allen says "how do you know they wouldn't have had to put him in a group home (which I know they have done with babies younger than him) or a 24 hour day care the whole weekend"?

I don't know.

I do know that this child was taken out of his home, put in mine and is now being moved again.

Of course I have analyzed every part of the situation as far as keeping him long term is concerned and it's just too much. If Allen was home every day it would be doable. With it being only me four days a week, Makily having school every day, therapy twice a week, a billion appts for her, social workers, GAL's, court dates and all for J.....it's too hard.

I also am being realistic and I know that keeping Snuggles long term means throwing my heart out in the street AGAIN and praying it does not get smashed. I have a constant sense of dread when it comes to J's case and so adding ANOTHER case that is likely going to be LONG and drawn out is not something I can even imagine doing right now.

I also know that with another one in the house it will be INCREDIBLY hard to give them all the attention they NEED and deserve. Maybe if it was a year or so from now. J and Snuggles are only 10 months apart. I am sad for him and I will miss him though. Today he has had a few moments where I KNOW he is missing his mommy. He woke up from his nap and would not leave my lap for almost an hour. He got up and started crying, then ran back to me.

Allen is not leaving until Wednesday this week. The hurricane has backed everything up. He will take Makily to school. I plan on taking Snuggles for his "72 hour appt". They are supposed to have a physical within 72 hours of coming into care but since this was a weekend and then the holiday it has not been done.

I will be calling the agency in the morning to find out how they want to do this.

Please pray that Snuggles will transition well. Pray that my notes will help the next family that gets him. Pray that he is placed in a home that will love and take care of him like he deserves.