First off I apologize that it is so late and I am just now posting this. I have had a lot to take in today.
The hearing was heard by the magistrate and not the judge. I don't really know what difference that makes except we are now having another hearing in a month.
J's parents did not call or show up for his hearing. This is the first time they have no showed to court.
Everything was reviewed and they did discuss the fact that there is a family member in another state that wants J. The ICPC process (home study on that family member) was started last week. Typing that sentence just turned my stomach. Due to the fact that Allen and I have only had J for two months, they (social worker (SW) and GAL) initially were not even going to mention the fact that we want him. The courts look at us as no more than a "babysitter" until we have had him for six months (which will be Oct 2...I am going to start counting the days).
The motion was made to change the goal to TPR (termination of parental rights) with a CONCURRENT plan of reunification. One of the bio's attorney's said he felt it was "premature" to move for TPR and would rather they just make the family member J's guardian once the ICPC goes through. That way eventually his parents would still have the opportunity to get him back. The GAL spoke up then and stated that the family member adamantly stated she DID NOT want to foster J or be just his guardian, that if she was going to take him she would only do it if it was a straight out adoption. Then she went on to say that if the ICPC on the family member does not go through that the foster family wants to adopt J. My eyes welled up when she said that and I was SO thankful she mentioned us.
In the end the goal was not changed. There will be ANOTHER hearing in August (by the judge and NOT the magistrate) and at that time the goal will be changed. The magistrate out right said that while there was some progress on the case plan it was minimal and she doubts that reunification will be possible. I believe the next hearing will be in another county, this is to make it easier for J's bio's to be there (I am rolling my eyes after typing that by the way). I may be mistaken on that as some of what was said was a bit confusing for me.
The GAL is going to speak with J's bio's. She is going to explain that we want him. She is going to discuss things we would and would not be willing to do to keep J in our family. Allen and I have discussed some pretty heavy things today but we have not made any solid decisions. Let's just say at this point we are very desperate to keep J and we are thinking about doing things we swore we would not do before we started this whole process. We have already broke all the other rules we made for ourselves.......why not another one?
*sigh*
This is SO hard.
I am not sure when the GAL will be able to speak with them because no one seems to have any contact information for J's bio's that is current. I am hoping she will be able to talk to them next week at visitation...if they show up.
They also feel the family member needs to (and has a right to) know the complete and total background on J. There are problems that could pop up later on down the road and this is something they should know before jumping into this. She also said that since J has moved so much it may not be daisies and roses from the get go and so the family member needs to realize that now. How awful would it be for him to get moved to a family member that can't deal with him just to be moved again?
So that's about it. I have been able to think of nothing else but this today and I need to stop. I have stared at him and looked at him all day today wondering what it is going to feel like if they take him away. I keep catching myself trying to memorize his scent and the way his head feels on my shoulder. I don't know how long I will have that and I never want to forget.
Pray for us, pray for J and most of all pray for God's will. I admit I say that half heartedly because the "devil" on my shoulder keeps whispering "what if it's God's will for him to be moved thousands of miles away with someone he does not know". I have given this to God all day long, and I keep taking it back. I have to surrender this and know that no matter what happens, it was meant to be.
Have I said how hard this is yet?
Pictures and video tomorrow. Too tired to do it tonight.
The hearing was heard by the magistrate and not the judge. I don't really know what difference that makes except we are now having another hearing in a month.
J's parents did not call or show up for his hearing. This is the first time they have no showed to court.
Everything was reviewed and they did discuss the fact that there is a family member in another state that wants J. The ICPC process (home study on that family member) was started last week. Typing that sentence just turned my stomach. Due to the fact that Allen and I have only had J for two months, they (social worker (SW) and GAL) initially were not even going to mention the fact that we want him. The courts look at us as no more than a "babysitter" until we have had him for six months (which will be Oct 2...I am going to start counting the days).
The motion was made to change the goal to TPR (termination of parental rights) with a CONCURRENT plan of reunification. One of the bio's attorney's said he felt it was "premature" to move for TPR and would rather they just make the family member J's guardian once the ICPC goes through. That way eventually his parents would still have the opportunity to get him back. The GAL spoke up then and stated that the family member adamantly stated she DID NOT want to foster J or be just his guardian, that if she was going to take him she would only do it if it was a straight out adoption. Then she went on to say that if the ICPC on the family member does not go through that the foster family wants to adopt J. My eyes welled up when she said that and I was SO thankful she mentioned us.
In the end the goal was not changed. There will be ANOTHER hearing in August (by the judge and NOT the magistrate) and at that time the goal will be changed. The magistrate out right said that while there was some progress on the case plan it was minimal and she doubts that reunification will be possible. I believe the next hearing will be in another county, this is to make it easier for J's bio's to be there (I am rolling my eyes after typing that by the way). I may be mistaken on that as some of what was said was a bit confusing for me.
The GAL is going to speak with J's bio's. She is going to explain that we want him. She is going to discuss things we would and would not be willing to do to keep J in our family. Allen and I have discussed some pretty heavy things today but we have not made any solid decisions. Let's just say at this point we are very desperate to keep J and we are thinking about doing things we swore we would not do before we started this whole process. We have already broke all the other rules we made for ourselves.......why not another one?
*sigh*
This is SO hard.
I am not sure when the GAL will be able to speak with them because no one seems to have any contact information for J's bio's that is current. I am hoping she will be able to talk to them next week at visitation...if they show up.
They also feel the family member needs to (and has a right to) know the complete and total background on J. There are problems that could pop up later on down the road and this is something they should know before jumping into this. She also said that since J has moved so much it may not be daisies and roses from the get go and so the family member needs to realize that now. How awful would it be for him to get moved to a family member that can't deal with him just to be moved again?
So that's about it. I have been able to think of nothing else but this today and I need to stop. I have stared at him and looked at him all day today wondering what it is going to feel like if they take him away. I keep catching myself trying to memorize his scent and the way his head feels on my shoulder. I don't know how long I will have that and I never want to forget.
Pray for us, pray for J and most of all pray for God's will. I admit I say that half heartedly because the "devil" on my shoulder keeps whispering "what if it's God's will for him to be moved thousands of miles away with someone he does not know". I have given this to God all day long, and I keep taking it back. I have to surrender this and know that no matter what happens, it was meant to be.
Have I said how hard this is yet?
Pictures and video tomorrow. Too tired to do it tonight.
6 comments:
UGHHH the agony....it sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My heart dropped everytime I read somthing not "hopeful" gosh I can not imagine what you are going through BUT I know YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS....YOU WILL....and I pray you get through this **WITH** J.....okay I pray Gods will....no, I am still gonna pray with J....
Oh the roller coaster ride you must be going through! My heart aches for all of you. I admire your strength to give it all to God. I know its hard and I totally understand the giving back and forth thing. Still praying for you all. Love you!
I can't imagine what it will be like to give him up but J is lucky to have you now and blessed that he has a family that loves him!
one day at a time is the only way through. Will be praying for God's will. J's interest is at the top of God's priorities. Much love to you guys.
I pray daily for that boy to be with you forever hon, b/c I think it's what he and you both need. And I will continue those prayers until they become praises that he is home with you forever!
Heather (cakey)
I wssent the poem from your blog yesterday as a help to my own issues of struggling to knowwhat to pray.
God does have a erfect plaforyour life and for Js. my prayer is that He will be glorified through the roads you travel together and if so be it apart.
I dont type thosewods lightly...my heart weeps foryou as I bring you beforeGod's Holy throne. May you know the Peace that passeth understanding.
Much love
Tina
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