I have found that since having Makily some people have said some pretty dumb things to me. I find myself calling my mom to vent about it when she gently will say "Patricia, they don't live the life we live and they don't have Makily, is that something you would have said before you had Makily?" Most of the time my answer is "no I just wouldn't have said anything at all". I don't know which is worse...inquiring the wrong way or running away like your hair is on fire.
Things NOT to say to a special needs parent and child
*NEVER, EVER, EVER use the word "retard", no matter what. Whether you are using it as medical term or to describe something you think is stupid, it hurts just the same. Most likely the parent won't correct you but know that inside they are crying. If they aren't crying inside most likely they are in visioning themselves slapping you silly. :-)
*Do not say "What is wrong with him/her?" That will put the parent on the defensive and they will not want to continue the conversation. Nothing is "wrong" with Makily, God just made her special.
*Don't say "Oh he/she will grow up and be "normal" right?" If the child has a condition that is not something that they will grow out of, this is HARD for a parent to explain and even harder for them to be reminded of it.
*Don't stare and if you accidentally find yourself staring..and the parent/child catches you smile WARMLY AND SINCERELY. Do not give the "poor baby...poor you" look.
*If you find your child asking questions loudly about the special needs child in the room (say the doctors office or at school) don't just make up an answer. Chances are the SN child's parent has heard your child's questions. It is best to come up and VERY KINDLY say "My son Jon is interested in your child, can you tell us about him". Let the SN parent lead the conversation. They have probably done it before. Make sure to reinforce that it's okay to be different and that this child is a special one.
*If you are approaching a parent just because you are nosy...don't bother.
*If the parent gives short, sweet and quick answers...take a hint and end the conversation. Sometimes it's too much to go into the child's problems and likely they have done it more times than they can count. Some days, you just want to be "normal".
*Try not to say things in front of the child you wouldn't say in front of your own child. You would be surprised how much special needs kids understand.
*Don't start asking "can he walk, can he talk, can he crawl, is he potty trained?" It's just uncomfortable for the parent if the child is not doing those things and yet another reminder.
Good ways to approach a SN child and their parent
*Talk to the child directly. If they can't talk the parent will answer you. Treat the child like you would any child their age.
*Compliment them on their eyes, hair, smile, outfit ANYTHING. That always starts things off right.
*If you are inquiring because there is someone close to you that has a disability somewhat like that child's, make sure to mention that. It puts the parent at ease and fast. Usually they will be much more forthcoming with information too.
*If you MUST ask "what is wrong" with the child say "So does he/she have a diagnosis"? I was asked this way before and for some reason it was MUCH nicer than "what's wrong with her". Do not start the conversation off with this statement though, use the compliments first. :-)
Things NOT to say to a special needs parent and child
*NEVER, EVER, EVER use the word "retard", no matter what. Whether you are using it as medical term or to describe something you think is stupid, it hurts just the same. Most likely the parent won't correct you but know that inside they are crying. If they aren't crying inside most likely they are in visioning themselves slapping you silly. :-)
*Do not say "What is wrong with him/her?" That will put the parent on the defensive and they will not want to continue the conversation. Nothing is "wrong" with Makily, God just made her special.
*Don't say "Oh he/she will grow up and be "normal" right?" If the child has a condition that is not something that they will grow out of, this is HARD for a parent to explain and even harder for them to be reminded of it.
*Don't stare and if you accidentally find yourself staring..and the parent/child catches you smile WARMLY AND SINCERELY. Do not give the "poor baby...poor you" look.
*If you find your child asking questions loudly about the special needs child in the room (say the doctors office or at school) don't just make up an answer. Chances are the SN child's parent has heard your child's questions. It is best to come up and VERY KINDLY say "My son Jon is interested in your child, can you tell us about him". Let the SN parent lead the conversation. They have probably done it before. Make sure to reinforce that it's okay to be different and that this child is a special one.
*If you are approaching a parent just because you are nosy...don't bother.
*If the parent gives short, sweet and quick answers...take a hint and end the conversation. Sometimes it's too much to go into the child's problems and likely they have done it more times than they can count. Some days, you just want to be "normal".
*Try not to say things in front of the child you wouldn't say in front of your own child. You would be surprised how much special needs kids understand.
*Don't start asking "can he walk, can he talk, can he crawl, is he potty trained?" It's just uncomfortable for the parent if the child is not doing those things and yet another reminder.
Good ways to approach a SN child and their parent
*Talk to the child directly. If they can't talk the parent will answer you. Treat the child like you would any child their age.
*Compliment them on their eyes, hair, smile, outfit ANYTHING. That always starts things off right.
*If you are inquiring because there is someone close to you that has a disability somewhat like that child's, make sure to mention that. It puts the parent at ease and fast. Usually they will be much more forthcoming with information too.
*If you MUST ask "what is wrong" with the child say "So does he/she have a diagnosis"? I was asked this way before and for some reason it was MUCH nicer than "what's wrong with her". Do not start the conversation off with this statement though, use the compliments first. :-)
