I guess I'll start at the beginning...

I figure in order to start off this blog I would need to explain our story up until now. I have been wanting to do this for a while but time and emotions usually got in the way. The story really starts about 2 years before Makily was born really. I won't go into too much detail there though but I will touch on the important things. Basically my husband Allen and I started trying for a baby in May of 2002. I am one of those neurotic people...you know the kind...when they get their minds set on doing something important they are determined to succeed. Conceiving a baby took over my life. After we had tried for 6 months we had some preliminary testing to see if anything was wrong....I was told I had a hormonal issue and was put on a mild fertility drug called Clomid. This drug didnt work out for me and caused more problems than it helped. I was referred to a specialist who reviewed my labs and said that I had NO hormonal issue....keep trying, that if I wanted to do genetic testing or a few other minor tests at that point I could BUT his advice was to keep trying for another 6 months. I switched OBGYN's (since the first one had misdiagnosed me with hormonal issues that I DIDNT have) and had some x-rays that also came back fine. The end of June 2003 I had a laparoscopy that revealed I had a tiny adhesion on my left ovary, which was repaired....other than that....I was "normal"....in fact the words the doctor used was "you have pristine reproductive organs". Wow Pristine I thought...that's REALLY good! We again were urged to "keep trying". On July 25, 2003....before I had even missed my period a blood test confirmed that PRAISE THE LORD I was pregnant. I think it is important to point out the fact that this day was ALSO Allen's birthday. It was a sign from God telling me to be faithful and that his timing is always right. I had a normal pregnancy....well I did walk on eggshells...after being told I had a fertility issues, trying as long as we had, being on fertility drugs for a short time....I was paranoid I would loose this blessing baby that I was carrying. No caffiene, no excersize(that didnt bother me much ;-), took my vitamins and had been taking folic acid for 2 years at that point! I walked the line....I was determined that if anything happened I would have no reason to put the blame on myself. I remember distinctly when I went to my first OB visit. They give you a ton of paper work to fill out. When I came to the question if I wanted the triple screen (genetic testing) I couldnt answer it. I stared at it for a long time and finally when I realized I was wasting time I went to the next question. I never went back to that question. Back then I remember thinking in my naive mind that even if something was wrong with my baby I would not terminate....I still believe that but I think that knowing ahead of time is VERY important. My pregnancy was pretty good, I gained the 30 lbs, had the puffy feet, waddled and glowed. I was over the top excited....especially when my ultrasound revealed I was having a girl. I had dreamed of a little girl that looked just like me....a head full at jet black hair and big blue eyes. Everywhere I went people would stop me and say how much she looked just like her mamma and how beautiful she was. This was a dream I carried really all my life. It was finally happening. I told Allen several times during my pregnancy that things were too perfect and I was waiting for an anvil to drop on my head. My life was going just as I had planned and I couldnt have been happier. I was about 28 weeks along when I asked the midwife (I had to see her at that particular visit) when I was supposed to have my triple screen. No one had verbally asked me and remember I never checked yes or no on my paper work. She asked if my doctor had offered it and I told her no. She then said that I was too far along to have it done at that point and usually they didnt push that test much and it wasnt really usefull unless you planned on terminating according to the results. We didnt so my mind was at ease at that point. 8 weeks later I went in for my 36 week appt, I was seeing the midwife again this visit. She felt my belly to check Makily's position and noticed I had a huge lump under my right boob. I told her I was convinced that it was Makily's head and she was breech. She wasnt sure and so she sent me for an ultrasound. Before we left I asked her about the baby turning at this point in my pregnancy, I did not want a c-section. I had dreamed of my labor and delivery for a long time and I was determined I would have the dream birth I had imagined. I wanted Makily placed on my tummy right after so I could watch her breathe her first few breaths, I wanted to breastfeed right away. She said it was still possible Makily could turn and to see what the ultrasound revealed. On the way to the radiologist I remembering saying this to Allen "I am so excited we get to see her again but what if they see something wrong?" He laughed at me and said that everything was fine and to stop worrying. When they did the ultrasound they saw Makily WAS head down thank God and that the lump was her knees. She was measuring about 5 lbs then. I was concerned, I felt that she was to little, but they said the last 4 weeks she would gain a half a pound a week and not to worry. I felt a bit uneasy but tried to push it into the back of my mind. I had no idea that in just a few short weeks my "bubble" was going to be burst and I would be forced to adjust to a new life.