Turning Tables.

I'm so happy I can't breathe.

Does that make sense what I'm saying?

Today I realized that while I feel better overall, all those things that drove me to where I was are still there. Still in my mind, my heart and my soul. Sometimes I feel the hurt from that creeping in and I've been good about pushing it down and distracting myself. Today was harder for whatever reason, and that's okay. I've learned you can't run from anything. Not from life, not from your feelings and not from love. Those things will ALWAYS be there whether you want them to be or not. Love is NOT ONLY a feeling but a choice you make. It is an emotion and some have it, some don't.



I can't run from the love I have for Makily, it's there in fact deeper than any other feeling I have ever had but that is what makes it frightening because when she is gone....then what? What do I do? I don't know how to be anything anymore except to be Makily and Jakob's mommy.

Example of LUST and NOT love. LMAO!



Anyway.......
I've been printing pics of the kids and Allen and I. I'm working on framing them and putting them up.

I got the CUTEST squeaky shoes for Makily off ebay this week. I want a pair for myself they are so cute...lol. I just ordered her some bows too.


She got the darker pink pair.



If you noticed from last night pictures Allen cut Makily's hair while Mommy was in the nut house. So when Mommy got home she was shocked that baby girl's hair was substantially shorter and rather unevenly cut. She has layers people. He put it in a high pony tail and then snipped ABOVE the rubber band.....sigh.

She's gorgeous no matter what though.


My friend Debra called me today and asked me to collaborate in writing a book. I was honored when she asked and almost immediately said YES before she had the question out.

Debra and her boys Wesley and Memphis.


Allen and others have totally been encouraging me for YEARS to write a book and so I'm actually excited about having someone to do it with. It sounds like such daunting task so when you have help and someone with some experience it makes it more attainable I guess. The book is going to tell "the good the bad and the ugly" of special needs parenting. I will leave it at that. But as we put that together I will update everyone.

Makily's 48 hour EEG is on Monday morning. I am taking Makily up Sunday and will be staying overnight in Kissimmee in a hotel. This way I don't have a far drive in the morning and we can have a mommy/daughter trip. I'm actually REALLY excited about having this time with her alone even if it's for an EEG. sigh. I'm also excited about VLOG'ing the trip. I've never done that before and this trip in particular is a good one to start with seeings as we aren't in an emergent or life threatening situation.

Makily with post EEG/Sleep Study Hair.


I'm going to start an entry about more on my experiences at the nut house tonight.

The kids go back to school tomorrow so it will be nice to start to get into a routine again. I am going to try to start jogging again in the morning. I always feel better when I do that.

I just realized I should have taken my afternoon meds three hours ago. Whoops. I got up and took it but I think that's why I'm having trouble sleeping?

I realize today that my head is all over the place. My life has changed so much in the past three months and sometimes I feel like my head is spinning trying to keep up.

On another note both the kids have been incredibly sweet since I came home. Jakob still has his moments but I can't complain for the most part.