Making Progress.

I've had TWO amazing days....TWO DAYS...IN A ROW.

I haven't felt THIS good in YEARS......it's amazing how low I had gotten. I forgot what it felt like to be happy.

I had stopped doing my hair, wearing makeup. I looked like shit all the time. I'd go out with my hair up in a ponytail..a messy one and throw on a t shirt and jeans. The last two days I have WANTED to "get ready". I have discovered I don't even really have to blow dry my hair anymore. I realized this because they took my blow dryer upon admission citing I may try to hang myself with it.

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Any way I just scrunch it and leave it wet and within an hour it's dry and looks good. I'm rambling about my hair..........ugh.

One odd side effect of the meds I have found is I can't remember ANYTHING. Ugh. My short term memory is G.O.N.E. I honestly can be mid-sentence and say "I'm sorry what the hell was I just talking about?" It's embarrassing and makes me look crazy....sigh...I guess I shouldn't care what it makes me look like though right. Screw anyone that thinks any less of me. Kiss my ass.

In forcing myself to just be ME and not worry about what everyone is thinking I feel kinda free. I do my makeup and have gotten TONS of help and tips from my friend Trish (she does freelance makeup and awesome work. She has done my face for Halloween, New Years and other special occasions and I always get compliments.) Again I'm rambling.....about makeup. Anyway I do my hair and get ready to go these days and OH does it make a big difference. When I get uncomfortable or start to worry about if I look fat in something or if someone will like me or not....I just say IT DOESN'T MATTER in my head and then I just don't care. That's nice.

I am doing so well and feeling so great I'm finding myself worried that this is just a high from starting the new dose and new med and that I will take a nose dive into the dumps once my body adjusts completely to the medication. Again....I've caught myself worrying about a "thing" I can't control. See, let it go....pick it back up again. It's a constant battle in my head.

I went to Joann's today for the first time in like two weeks. I wanted to dance a jig of glee looking at all the fabric AND seeing that it's on sale. Seriously though I was in fabric heaven. Anyway I got some really cute fabric to make bibs with. I have an order I need to fill soon, so I got some new really nice fabrics. Then I finally got up the nerve to get a pattern to make a dress for Makily (I'm a rebel, yes I know). I picked out the fabric and the ribbon and stuff for it. We'll see how it turns out.

I go to the shrink on Thursday. I'm hopeful I like this lady.

Jakob's little personality is shining through so much these days. He cracks us all up. Sometimes I find myself struggling to punish him because the weird little things he does are so stinking funny I can't help but laugh.

Allen and I were just hanging out watching TV in the garage and I looked at him and said "Hey, you know what's freaking weird......I was just in a mental hospital for a week.....that's just...well crazy!

Makily has her 48 hour EEG starting next Monday morning til Wednesday morning at Arnold Palmer Children's in Orlando. If they get what they need beforehand we may be able to leave sooner than Wednesday. I don't look forward to the two days in the hospital trying to keep Makily from pulling all those electrodes off her head. I am going to take my laptop and my camera and will VLOG/BLOG this stay. Allen is taking the first half of next week off work to keep Jakob and is just going to work the second half of the week. Having him home the last week and a half has been just AMAZING. I didn't realize how hard it was to do it all by myself until I had Allen her this much and this long.

Today we went to the park with some friends and their kids and flew kites. Jakob ran around and was thrilled. He loved the kites.

Here are some pics from the day.

Jakob, this was one of the only pics I could get of him because he couldn't be still for very long.



Aubrey, Makily and Cameron.



One of my new favorites of me and My Kily.


This was my attempt to get a photo of me and both kids. FAIL.



Aubrey, Makily and Cameron



Me and Makily.