We knew some of Jakob's prenatal history the day we decided to welcome him into our home.
I was scared to death as we were taking a baby I had originally said in our "pre- fostering rules" we wouldn't take.
Jakob's mom had been on methadone during his pregnancy and he went through withdrawl at birth.
I think the ONLY thing that swayed me away from our "no meth baby" rule was that he was four months old and through the worst of the withdrawls at that point. We had also been waiting for so long and I desperately wanted to go swoop this baby up the moment they called us about him. I wouldnt take it back for one second.
As time went on I slowly started finding out other things Jakob's bio mom did while she was pregnant with him. None of it swayed our love for him or our decision (almost from the day he came to us) to adopt him if he became available.
Jakob was exposed to alcohol during the entire pregnancy.
He was also exposed to crack and cocaine in the last trimester.
Jakob's speech has been delayed for some time. He's been in Early Steps since he was a year old and Early Intervention pre-school since right after he turned two. He also gets speech therapy privately once a week.
Jakob is a very BUSY little boy. He does have some pretty WICKED tantrums when he does not get his way and they can last a while. He has trouble paying attention and can't attend to anything for very long unless it's something HE is choosing to attend to.
All of these things are typical two year old behavior....I always have a hard time gauging how he should be acting because Makily was never a typical two year old.
Due to the alcohol exposure the adoption agency set up an appt for Jakob to be evaluated for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. It takes months to get in to them which is why we just went for his evaluation last week.
I was impressed with the FAS clinic team. There was a child psychologist, a speech therapist, an occupational therapist and a physical therapist. They had me fill out questionaire's on Jakob's development and behavior. They each evaluated him individually and as a team. They also took pictures of Jakob's profile and straight on shots. These pictures were loaded into a computer program to intricately measure his features . Children with FAS have a handful of facial features that are sometimes commonly seen.
In the end they took us (me, Jakob and both my sisters who so NICELY both rode along with us for the 2 hour trip) to a conference room and gave their opinions.
They did not diagnose Jakob with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or Effect.
He was diagnosed with "Sentinel Physical Findings Static Encephalopathy alcohol exposed".
So what the heck does all that mean?
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome has a spectrum much like Austism does. The diganosis he has been given falls under that spectrum and basically means that during development parts of his brain were damaged and/or did not form correctly due to the alcohol exposure. They explained that Jakob has some sensory issues (which I really didn't pick up on until they were pointed out to me, I'm used to seeing such SEVERE sensory issues with Makily that I didn't pick up on the small quirks Jakob was exhibiting). Most of the sensory issues they found were oral motor related. They also feel he would benefit from deep tissues massage, a trampoline (a small one for kids) to give him that deep stimulation to his whole body. They said he is about a year behind right now. We have only a hand full of words and lots of frustration because he just isn't able to tell us what he wants. It's getting better and he is making LOTS of progress. He is signing more when he wants a drink or a snack.
He will consistently say Mama, Daddy, bye, uh oh, no, yeh...and "HOLLA" (lol srsly he says HOLLA!) . At times he will try and repeat a word you said but it usually comes out garbled. He understands EVERYTHING you say to him though. I can say "Jakob give mommy the remote". He'll go get the remote and hand it to me, same thing with just about anything in the house. He said pretty over and over again when looking at a picture of Makily the other day but I can't get him to say it now. I do think part of his delay is because he is stubborn and does not like to be told what to do. He is very good to Makily, he LOVES her and will sit next to her on the couch, sometimes will get on her lap and BEAM if she shows him ANY form of attention. Usually she pats him over and over on the head or back and he just giggles. He holds her hand when they are in the car (that makes me teary just typing it), and when she drops her toy he will run to pick it up and give it back to her (most of the time he gives it back to her lol). When we stand her up he runs over and throws his arms around her and just stands there hugging her. She in turn patts his head or puts her hands around his neck and he thinks that's just great (hey he doesnt realize she's actually trying to strangle him lol).
They told us that children with FAS disorders typically have attention problems, impulse control and behavioral concerns. Of course the severity can't be known at this point. It may take years before we know exactly how this is all going to effect him. They did suggest we evaluate him for ADHD when he is five or six. FAS kids also usually need some sort of ADHD medication to help them focus at school and make learning easier for them.
So how do I feel about all of this?
I already knew it. I knew he would likely have issues from his prenatal history. I can't say I don't care because that's not true. I care, I do. In fact when they started talking about brain damage and saying words like "static encephalopathy" it made me cry. I was sad for HIM. Sad that he has these extra challenges in front of him.....and they all could have been prevented.
I think what I am trying to say is that my love for him is no different then before he had a "label". He is still MY SON. I love him just like I love Makily and we will do everything we can to help him.
I will say though that never in my wildest dreams did I think I would have one child with a severe genetic disorder and another one with alcohol induced status encephalopathy. I really never dreamed that I could have two children with those issues and be sane.
Maybe I am not sane anymore and that is why I am handling it all so well?!
Maybe part of me is convinced that all of this is just typical two year old behavior and by the time he starts kindergarten he will be totally caught up and I won't see any lasting issues at all from the alcohol exposure?
Maybe I'm in denial.
I'm not sure.
