The LONG road to Jakob's adoption.

I knew going into fostering it was going to be emotionally trying. More so because we were going into it DESPERATELY wanting to adopt.



I prepared myself.....I thought.



I had no idea how quickly I would fall in love with Jakob. It was literally the second I saw him. He smiled at me, they placed him in my arms and I was hooked.



In my heart he was already mine.



Does this make me a bad foster parent?



Probably.



Our license expires next month.



We are not re licensing.



While our family is complete and I BY NO MEANS want another child part of me is sad that we will not be welcoming any more children into our home for respite.



There are several reasons why.



First and foremost is that emotionally it is TOO HARD.

The emotional aspect is made worse by the fact that those paid to ensure that the child's best interests are met DO NOT CARE.

Unfortunately one of his social workers was HORRENDOUS. We were DRUG through hell and back at one point because of her. She lied often, even in court, straight to the judges face. There are many dirty people in the system. A few in particular nearly brought me to my knees. Having to sit in a court room the and listen to the person who is supposed to be looking out for the best interest of Jakob LIE through her teeth was infuriating.



When things were at their worst I wrote a letter. The letter was addressed to the head of the foster agency, the head of the agency the social worker worked for and everyone else involved in the case AND their higher ups. I detailed every mistake being made, lie that was told with dates and times. Explained why I was so afraid for Jakob. That if his parents TRULY and honestly had gotten it together I would have been able to support reunification. I explained that things were being covered up to the judge so they could reunify. The "counselor" (and I use that term very loosely) assigned to provide parenting, substance abuse and anger management to Jakob's father was a total and complete moron. At one staffing she stuttered through the entire thing and it was obvious she had no idea exactly WHAT she had been doing and what treatment she actually had provided. Finally she admitted she had not really done much substance abuse counseling with him because she felt he didn't need it. This was interesting to hear because SHE did his initial evaluation AND RECOMMENDED substance abuse treatment. She also eventually admitted that she had done MAYBE 6-8 sessions with him in a year......he kept missing or no showing. The lies were apparent and no one seemed to care. It was being brushed under the rug. Jakob's biological mother and father had pretty severe substance abuse problems. His father had no where to live half the time, his mother had left the state six months prior, the father was ordered drug testing and to AA and to stop drinking. He skirted every random drug test, said he went to AA but could never prove it and when he did take a drug test the social worker warned him THREE days ahead of time. When he DID go in for the test on a MONDAY MORNING all he was given was a breathalyzer. The social worker told the judge he had taken a RANDOM drug screen and passed. LIE. He admitted openly in court he was still drinking, and they STILL gave him an additional three months on his case plan....he had already had a year at that point.



My letter detailing everything was not well received. Jakob's social worker who I'll call DUMB ASS came to my house a week later. She told me her supervisor who I'll call THE BITCH DID NOT like my letter. She was angry. She had instructed DUMB ASS to do yet another search for relatives when she had already done three. She also advised her to have another relative appeal her home study denial (denial because she had an ex con living in her house AND prior child neglect charges). She told DUMB ASS she was angry and wanted Jakob taken from our home and did NOT want us to adopt him. I find it incredibly sad THE BITCH was going to try to move mountains to take Jakob from us and would rather him live with someone with prior child neglect charges. Did she not see that she was not only punishing me but that this would have SCARRED Jakob for life? She obviously could have cared less. This woman NEVER ONCE called me. Never once did she call to find out why I was so upset, to try and explain things or to ask for further documentation. She was angry because not only did I point out DUMB ASSES mistakes, I had pointed out the fact that she knew nothing about any of it to all of her colleagues that I had copied the email to. To this day I have never seen or spoken to her.



When this happened I nearly lost my mind. I finally just threw up my hands. I remember telling my mother, they want me to just roll over and take it so I guess at this point I have no other choice. So instead of fighting, I got quiet. I cried a lot. I put up with MORE and I wondered why. I wondered how I was going to live if they took him from me. What was I going to do if they DID reunify him with his father that WAS STILL drinking. God forbid he drive with Jakob in the back seat. The thought of it made me physically sick. What would happen if they lifted the denial on the relative. What if they sent him hundreds of miles away to live with a relative that saw him as nothing but a paycheck

The only person besides Allen and I that seemed to care and THAT SAW through the lies was the Guardian ad Litem and I am so grateful to her. I am not sure what would have happened had she not been involved and speaking up for Jakob. No one cared what we thought or how we felt. We were just the "foster parents".

Fate stepped in.

His father was arrested, released and left the state.

We have never seen him again.

Both his parents rights were terminated in July of 2009. I had to testify at the hearing. Neither of his parents attended but his father did participate via phone. I was incredibly nervous. I had not spoken to Jakob's father in six months. I had never testified in court and had no idea what I was going to be asked. Both my sisters came with me and while I was waiting to testify, my face went numb and so did my fingers. I looked at my sister and said I think I am having a stroke. I imagine my blood pressure was just incredibly high. I was asked simple questions about Jakob and so that was a relief. There were quite a few VERY sad moments during the hearing. One in particular was when the attorney asked the social worker if Jakob would know who either of his parents were if they walked into the room. While everyone in the court room knew he wouldn't, it was a sad thing to admit, especially knowing his biological father was on the phone.

Jakobs case was transferred to adoptions at the end of July 2009. His case worker came to the house once, then was fired a month or so later. We went without a case worker for a month or so and then the supervisor started coming to see Jakob. NOTHING was done to move towards finalizing his adoption UNTIL DECEMBER. The original agency's contract expired and was not renewed, it was transferred to a new agency and so I guess the old agency didn't feel the need to work on the adoption as they felt the new agency could deal with it. I went into the new office the DAY the new agency took over with Jakob in tow. I introduced myself to his case worker, explained we wanted things done and asked what else I could do to expedite the process. It took three and a half more months to finalize things....and that was ONLY because I faithfully called EVERY SINGLE MONDAY and said "how are things going, are we closer yet, have you turned in everything"? I was not impressed with this social worker either. Not once did she ever come through on dates she promised. She promised A LOT and delivered little. I finally told her to please STOP giving me dates because she has never followed through since I had known her. Harsh I know but we had been waiting for a long time and I wanted things DONE. She and I had some pretty tense words on more then one occasion.

Last Wednesday we went to the adoption attorney's house to sign some papers. We were originally told once the papers were filed we would get a court date in two weeks. We signed the papers and the attorney asked if we could do this "tomorrow". I said "do what"? He explained that he had two adoptions the next day at around 3 and would like to squeeze us in with them if the court would allow it. We said we would do whatever we needed to arrange our schedule. He called the court house in front of us and they agreed. WE WERE ELATED.

I am so grateful that it is all over with. I look at my kids and I melt. We didn't realize when we started trying to build our family EIGHT years ago that the road would be this long. We had no idea the toll it would take on us. We have fought for both of our kids for so long that it is nice to be able to just relax and just be a family.

We are so blessed.

More to come.