I plan on doing at least two entries today so check back. I have much to catch up on here. Sorry I havent been blogging like I usually do. It's been a busy, emotional week and I am trying to catch my breath.
**This may be removed so read fast**
When a child is in foster care the courts assign a "goal" to them. J's goal has always been "reunification with a parent". They added the goal of TPR (termination of parental rights) long ago.
His goal just changed.
The goal is now "TPR/Adoption".
The court has DROPPED the goal of reunification with a parent.
This is a good thing for us. I can't help but feel a bit sad for J though. Once again conflicting feelings on my part. I feel bad for J because I fear that one day he will think he wasnt good enough or important enough to fight for. That is so far from the truth and I just pray that I can show him how much Allen and I and really our entire family has fought for him. How much we love him and how much we want him to be a forever part of our family. He is worth every single second of worry and heartache we have felt in this journey with him. I wouldnt take a second of it back.
That being said I am now told they're are several family members that have popped out of the wood work.
He's 14 months old.
Where were they before now?
Nice.
I have my reasons but I do not know how true and really how many family members have come forward at this time.
I was told that a few were contacted and they said "I love him but he is in a wonderful place where he is happy and bonded, I can't give him what they are giving him and I will not take him away from that".
That makes me cry and feel really awesome at the same time.
So while we are one step closer to adopting our son, we have this new "thing" that we have to worry about.
Once again I refuse to let this consume me. I can't control this, I only can love J and give him the best possible life while he is with us.
It is up to God what happens in the end.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
MUCH to blog.
Posted by Patyrish at 2/22/2009 08:23:00 AM
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5 comments:
YAY! The same thing happened with our oldest. As soon as the plan was TPR/Adoption, we had relatives crawling out from under their rocks trying to get him. Ultimately, none of them worked out for various reasons. It just held up the adoption for a few more months.
As far as J thinking that he wasn't good enough to fight for, I had the same fears with Jacob. He's now 8 and so well adjusted. He rarely asks questions about his birth family. He's always known that he was adopted and we've always told him that his first mommy and daddy loved him very much. As he got older we told him that they couldn't take care of him and wanted him to live with us. It might not be the "whole" truth but it's at least age appropriate. I did keep every single piece of paperwork from his case. One day when he wants to know what really happened, he can read the file and see for himself. All the court reports, agency reviews, therapist notes, psych evals, etc are in there. One day he will want to know. He can read the case file himself and make up his own mind, rather than me just recounting his history for him.
Just love J as you're doing and it will work out. Like Jacob, he was young coming into custody so he won't have any "bad" memories to overcome. We've taught Jacob that adoption is a gift of love and it makes him extra special. He's always been told that he's lucky because there are two families who love him and you can never have enough people to love you. Of course, in our house he holds that over his brother and sister who aren't adopted. Sigh....
I will pray that things work out well with the adoption side of things. We can't have kids but gave up on the adoption process because we just couldn't deal with the emotional rollercoaster that is the adoption process. Your much stronger than me and I wish you all the best with it. Louise
I think this is great news! I wouldn't worry too much about relatives. Most apples don't fall far from the tree, so I don't see them being any better for J than his bios. He's meant to be with you. Praying for you. Hang in there, it will be all worth it in the end.
I am soooo happy to hear this! I'm praying for ya!
I am so happy for you and J. I know the feeling of feeling bad for the child, but you know God will make sure he ends up where he needs to be.
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